And the reason is you
by Space Oddity
Summary: The first mistake I made was falling in love with my best friend.


**I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
**

Where do I start? There are so many things that I wish had never happened in my lifetime. Some of them, I got to change later on, some I still live with today. The first mistake I made was falling in love with my best friend. It was only a mistake, mind you, because she was my best friend. I don't regret falling in love with her at all.

So Voldemort has been dead for around 3 years now, and we've all moved on. It's been two years since I graduated Hogwarts, with my best mates at my side. I never thought life could get better. I had a job already, and it was with my mate Harry, and I was to get married to the love of my life, Hermione Granger. If I had been a Seer maybe I could have stopped the events that were going happen after that day, but I'm not.

The War changed a lot of people's lives. We even started talking civilly to Draco Malfoy afterwards, because he'd saved a bunch of the Order during one particularly fierce battle. Now that didn't make us friends or anything, we just stopped sniping at each other every five seconds. I think that that might be what drove Hermione… Why hadn't I said anything to her? If I had, if I had told her everything, starting from the beginning, maybe she wouldn't… wouldn't be off living in Malfoy Manor now. Maybe she wouldn't be pregnant with the spawn of satan. Well, satan turned good, but that's besides the point. Maybe she wouldn't… wouldn't have… We'll get to that later.

**But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go**

I should've left a note somewhere more obvious. They wouldn't know for a few days at least why I had left. But that's okay by me. I really don't want to give them a chance to find me. That was the whole point of leaving. I didn't want them to think about me again. Ever. Anyways, I never did anything to benefit them. That was always Harry. And as he is now officially part of the Weasley family, they don't need me. I am once again the unwanted son.

But I know, I know that Harry never intended on taking my family's love away from me. I knew it, deep inside. And maybe, someday, I would come to realize it. But right now I was perfectly content on blaming him for all my current troubles. The half-bottle of firewhiskey I just consumed might be playing a part in the blame, but I like to doubt that. I can't help but blame him. When the time came that I was the oldest son in the house, the time when I could prove myself to my parents, prove that I was as worthy of the Weasley name as my brothers, Harry was there. Harry, the savior. Harry, the hero. Harry, the boy who could do no wrong. I guess that those descriptions of him helped us make it through all seven years of Hogwarts without getting expelled, but still, it's just a little bit discouraging when your parents practically ignore you because of him. Don't get me wrong, Harry is my best friend, my brother. But he always stole the spotlight! In fifth year, when I finally had my chance to shine in the spotlight because of Quidditch, he had to run to the ministry to save his godfather, who died because of him! Died! On of the best mans I had ever known sacrificed himself for Harry. And then Harry had the gall to throw a bloody fit and blame Dumbledore for everything, when if he had just listened to the bloody man, none of this would have happened!!

But that's besides the point. My main concern is what Harry didn't do for Hermione. She asked him to be the person who walked her down the aisle at her wedding, and he denied her. He told her that he would never support her marriage to the ferret, and that she was making the biggest mistake of her life. Even I, the one who loved Hermione as more then a friend, saw how much Draco cared for her. By denying her that one wish, Harry scarred her forever. That's another thing I can never forgive him for. She had just lost her bloody parents in the war, and Harry had to act like a bloody prat just because he hated Malfoy. I suffered through the wedding, which was a week ago, and then gathered my affairs and here I am now, in my way to America. I've heard it's great there, with ample opportunities for wizards and muggles alike. I guess I'll see.

**That I just want you to know  
I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new**

I only left a note so that Hermione wouldn't worry. Because you see, even though she was married to Malfoy, she did still care about me, at least as a friend. And I knew she would worry and fret if I left nothing. She would be scared that I did some bloody stupid thing like kill myself, or something of that nature. No, that's the melodramatic thing that Harry did. That selfish bastard. Didn't he think that he would be missed???? I've blocked out the memory of when… when they found him. He used some muggle way. Didn't even have the decency to kill himself like a true wizard! I can't bear to think about this. Think about how much pain he caused. How now my family couldn't even look at me without remembering the hero of a son they lost. How it was my fault, for yelling at him. I can never forgive myself. The last words I said to him will always haunt me. I was yelling at him for not walking Hermione down the aisle…

**-FLASHBACK-**

"_You bloody selfish bastard! How could you do this to her? Don't you even care about her happiness? Look at me, I'm still going to the wedding, I'm still getting them a gift! I may not like that bastard, but I'm dealing with it, because I care about her! Even a blind man can see how much he cares about her!" I shouted, the tips of my ears turning red as they always do when I'm agitated. Harry's emerald green eyes flared with anger, he was mad now. Good. That's what I wanted. _

"_Are you honestly telling me I don't care about her? I care about her so much that I refuse to walk her down the aisle with a man that has only caused her pain for the last 8 years. Tell me how that's not caring." Harry said, his voice soft. _

"_It's not caring because she asked you, as her best friend, to support her. To walk her down the aisle in place of her bloody FATHER. That's how much you mean to her, and you just tore it all to shreds. You might as well not be alive to me, because I'll never forgive you for hurting her like this Harry." I said with a deadly tone to my voice. The expression in Harry's eyes turned from one of anger to one of deep hurt. _

"_What you're feeling right now Harry, is how Hermione felt when you turned her down. You'll have to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life. I hope that makes you happy."_

_Those were the last words I said to Harry Potter, my best friend, my brother._

_The next day he was found in his flat, a hole in his head. _

**-/END FLASHBACK-**

I didn't ever want to hurt Hermione like that.

So I left a note, telling her how much she meant to me, and I left because of that. That I didn't want to stay around and do something stupid that would hurt her.

I wrote the note, left it somewhere where she should find it relatively soon, and boarded my plane for America. I didn't want to Ministry to be able to track where I apparated to, so I decided the best thing would be to take muggle transportation, as dangerous as that is.

**  
And the reason is you**

I hope Hermione knows how much she means to me, and that I will love her always and forever. I signed the note, P.S. I love you. But most of all, I hope she doesn't try looking for me. The whole point of this was for her to forget about me, that way she doesn't have to worry anymore. It'll almost be like I died, except she'll know that I didn't.

I will love Hermione Granger until the day I die. I hope she never finds me, and I want to return one day, when her kids are grown, and she's grown accustomed to not having me. Then maybe I can start over new, and maybe, just maybe, we will be able to forget about the past.

**A reason to start over new  
and the reason is **

**-you-**

**  
**

**-/END RON/-**


End file.
